This is a mail from a constant blog reader, please read and share your opinion…
Hello Bamise (I suppose), pleasant evening to you. I stumbled on your thread that hit FP on Nairaland and I decided to get in touch cos the issues you addressed are all too familiar to me and I’m currently embroiled in one. I need your advice if you wouldn’t mind and I’d explain the situation at hand.
I am not married but I was involved in a ‘serious’ relationship with a girl I met during my final days on campus. She was friends with my twin brother and apparently feelings were involved but things didn’t workout between them, and somehow, we ended up together -dating barely 3 months into us meeting although there was a lot of controversy involved. I would turn 25 this August and I’m just about 8 months older than she is.
So, I was leaving School and she was entering into her final year and we were already involved. At the early stages of the relationship, things were soooooo great between us….the joy & excitement of being together was overwhelming and it seemed to be the fairytale “happy ever after” kinda thing. But a few months into the whole thing, things started changing; the initial fire and interest she once showed gradually started dying down. We went from talking every single day to talking every other day. She started bringing up the excuse of being so busy…and all that kinda stuff. Things really got so bad; at first I thought it was the distance cos we never really spent quality time together before I left school so we weren’t exactly bounded.
She happened to meet a Naval officer who was running his Master’s programme at that time and they became really good friends I wasn’t really comfortable with the whole thing but she kept on assuring me that there was nothing more going on between them. I had no choice but to accept that. We started having recurring arguments, disagreements, the relationship was greatly strained. She started loathing me at some point…she wouldn’t let me hold her,kiss her or get physically close to her…she never introduced me to her friends or family as her boyfriend.. Rather she’d just say I’m her friend. I realized she found me repulsive and to be honest, I don’t know why. At this point, I became so insecure, my self esteem and confidence was brutally wounded and I lost belief in myself. I always struggled to try to make things right or win her back and the more I did, the more repulsive she found me. She always said I was boring…okay, I’m not an outgoing person, I really am not so good at socializing…I don’t party,drink or do any of those stuffs. Cos that’s not who I am. At some point she told me she went clubbing with the Naval officer and I was emotionally distraught over this but still she watered it down by saying there was nothing more to it and they went just as friends and I accepted.
Fast forward to early this year, I had to go to school to tidy up a couple things at my department, so I met her, I was at her place one evening and I happened to stumble on her chat with this Naval officer and this girl effortlessly was professing love for him, telling him how much she misses him…and this were things she never told me… I had to beg at times Just to hear her tell me she loves me..and this guy was getting it all on a platter of gold….then I stumbled on a line that ‘killed’ me she said to him “we won’t date and we won’t ‘DO’ again….I interpreted the ‘do’ there to mean sex…that she had been having sex with him but still she denied it…she couldn’t give a tangible meaning to it but she insisted she never had sex with him…..But I was broken….wounded…helpless…I felt so betrayed and useless….I can’t find befitting words to accurately describe how I felt……a couple of weeks afterwards, I told her I was done cos o couldn’t bear the bullshit I was getting anymore.
She was the very first and only girl I’ve ever had sex with and it meant a lot. She took It from me against my will but back then I found solace in the fact that we had plans to get married someday and that was my consolation. so I guess this is one of the reasons why I’m still hooked on her. I am still so in love with this girl despite everything. I’ve tried to move on, I’ve tried to love someone else but I’m too scared to let that happen cos I don’t want to get hurt again..and I still have feelings for my ex. I try to distract myself with work but its only temporal. So I don’t know what to do. I care so deeply for her. The irony is I’m still so angry and bitter and pained but beneath all of that, is a sincere craving for to be with her.
So please I need your counsel, advice, rebuke or what have you….
I’m really sorry for the long message and I hope to get a feedback from you as soon as you can.
Kindly share your response, it is so important right now.
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